Lav’s $10K Beater Corral

March 28, 2013 at 11:40 pm

As a follow-up to this week’s $150K bundle of joy, I’ve now struck out for a lineup that’s near and dear to my heart: beaters. Except, like a comfy sweater with a few holes or an old beach towel that’s bleached by the sun, beaters don’t necessarily have to be beaters. In fact, most of my selections are just the affordable versions of some once kick-ass cars.

Daily driver: 1990 Ford Taurus SHO – $4,000

I spend too much time making up bad puns involving the word “show” to not thoroughly enjoy driving this piece of 80’s goodness. Take a mundane family sedan, call up a few Asian pals who normally make sportbikes and outboard motors, and then ask them to build you a hotrod. I’ve always heard cocaine flowed like a river in the big hair era, but it must have been squirted out of air fresheners at Ford’s headquarters. And then to give it a manual transmission? Mercy. I’ll take mine with the slicer alloys.


Track rat: 1987 Isuzu Impulse Turbo – $3,000

Oh, yeah. I went there. A damn ISUZU. Actually, think of it as the fairer twin of the VW Scirocco, except it’s rear wheel drive, came factory turbocharged, Lotus breathed on it (or in its general direction) and it’s an ISUZU. I have loved these things for as long as I can remember, and it’s frightening to think that someday I will likely chase someone down, screaming “HERE, TAKE MY MONEY!” should I find one with all the trimmings and most of its sheet metal still intact. It also is the epitome of 80’s logic, of which there was very little. Might explain why Isuzu doesn’t sell cars here anymore.


Rock hopper: 1991 Jeep Wrangler Renegade – $3,000

Oftentimes, I wish I born a few years sooner. The early 90’s seemingly captured everything I love in a car today, from mesh wheels to fender flares and average vehicles becoming a little less average. Best of all, that even included monstrosities like the Jeep Wrangler Renegade. LOOK AT IT. It’s got a factory wide body, kick-ass moniker WITH its own pinstripe, monster fog lamps, multi-hole alloys, inline six, five-speed – oh yeah, and it’s four wheel drive because it’s a FREAKIN’ JEEP. When’s the last time you heard “Jeep” and “body kit” in the same sentence that you didn’t convulse with fear, anger, or likely, both? Well, the 90’s called and left a message saying thanks, you’re welcome, and have a nice day.



That does it, kids. The SHO and Renegade are on eBay right now – just need to get an “Impulse” to say bye-bye to the E46.


What I did there, do you see it?